November 14, 2021 in ,

Taking Time Out.

This has been sitting in my drafts and I've finally decided to just post it. We are coming to the end of 2021 now, it feels like it's zoomed so fast that I never got to experience the year properly. I was lucky enough to go to a few places and enjoy the sun in the summer but my anxiety has been high. Being able to get vaccinated and have my booster has only helped slightly with my thoughts and anxieties and on top of that I find myself panicking far more than I ever have. My health has been rubbish, it made me feel even worse because I've been working so hard to getting to a good place with my body. 

Covid has taken it's hold on all of our lives, for me a lot of medical issues were put on hold and now I'm dealing with the aftermath of it but I'm thankful that I'm alive and never caught covid. I feel I have to make a point that I'm thankful because people always try and use guilt tactics to shut me up and make what I've been through lesser important. It's not a competition at all so we all need to remember that someone is always going to have it worse but it doesn't make my struggle any less important.

I have a lot more hospital appointments coming my way which I know will lead me to being even more anxious and worried but those who know what is happening are helping me loads especially James! I've barely been doing anything lately and it makes me sad because I lost a lot of motivation, I felt as if I will be stuck in my own mind. Next year I have stuff planned not only with my health but also goals, I've already met the goal of losing weight and getting to my next target, I'm still sticking with that but it can be hard for someone like me who has PCOS. There isn't just one kind of PCOS there are a few, for me it's insulin resistant and at the age of 32 I only just found out, it explains a lot of the issues I have such as miscarrying and my cycles being erratic but now I'm taking Metformin that has been a great help.

I'm surprised I'm sharing this but I need to speak about it in order to remember that I'm not alone. No one ever warns you about these things growing up they just say use protection, I never knew until a few years ago that periods weren't suppose to be so bad that they make you throw up and faint, I grew up thinking all this was normal. Since finding all of this out I have been putting myself first more than ever. My mental health isn't the best so I doubt I will be going anywhere in the next few months but I have plenty of pretty pictures of Cornwall to post still. For now I'm going to enjoy listening to the wind and rain whilst snuggled up with a book or game. Stay safe my beauties ♡ 

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